Who is this

can someone help me figure out who this. he is always coming into my house through the kitchen window and he smokes (i am scared because my teacher told me smoking will give u cancer and i dont know if he knows this) and burns his cigarette on my new granite counters. he then always asks me to make him a grilled ham and cheese sandwich with the crust cut off because if the crust is not cut off then he will have severe diarrhea and he wont be able to sleep for weeks. after i make his sandwich he takes a nap on my couch where he mutters about how he is a spy and he knows a guy named sbout but i dont know who that is either. when he wakes up he watches family guy on my new tv while eating all of my hot pockets which he has cooked. then he drives away in his toyota camry and usually comes back in 17 days. can someone help me figure out who he is, i am running out of bread and soon i will have to go buy more